The Truth about Development: The Stillness of New Beginnings

Another new year has come to pass and yet I wake up to the same me; the same dishes in the sink waiting to be washed, the same basket of laundry waiting to be folded. There is nothing new in my surroundings, nothing new in the thoughts running through my head, and yet around the world people are waking up thinking their lives will be forever changed; that they will be different starting right this very moment in some profound and often significant way, but that is simply not true. We all want to believe in this lightning strike moment of change. And for some lucky few out there this may be the case. It is not, however, the rule. For most of us we may catch a glimmer of this pivotal moment in a realization at work, or in our personal lives that marks a before and an after, but that after takes time to come to fruition. It is, like all things discussed here on the blog, a process.

In light of all of this, I believe that the most important, and really the only, resolution to be made each and every year is to be open to the opportunities you will have to commit to and choose change. The secondary thought to that is - these opportunities will need to be small. These opportunities are not goals, they are not plans, they are not drastic, they are not leaps of faith. What they are is stepping stones, moments, micro shifts, consistent. That’s the big one - consistent; and they are popping up and need to be harnessed all year. 

Start Small with Quiet Consistency

Starting small does not diminish the value of your development. Starting small does not mean you don’t take your desire seriously. Starting small does not mean you lack confidence in your ability to do the thing. Starting small means you are beginning this season of transformation with grace. Grace is such an important attribute, especially when we’re talking about any kind of learning or creativity for that matter. Grace is not a free pass to drop the ball or get away with letting yourself down. Grace is starting with ten minutes of ten exercises beside your bed in the morning instead of committing to the gym three days a week for an hour workout. Grace is understanding that development, growth, transformation takes time; it recognizes that there are barriers or reasons you don’t already do the thing the way you want to, but it will help you get there anyways by building smaller confidence boosting habits to pave the way to the new lifestyle. Grace is what allows us to show up and be consistent with these small steps of progress. The thing I love about this second part, about the quiet consistency, is the permission to be quiet about it. Starting small lets us try on transformation quietly. It enables us to be consistent without having scrutiny of others shame us into leaps of change or chip away at our confidence when we inevitably trip up on our path. If you need accountability, that is fine, there is a place for it for sure. Not everyone needs it; not everyone thrives under it. The advantage of quiet consistency coupled with grace is that we can do all the small pieces on our own and then invite others in on the journey once we get to a bigger stepping stone and may need that external accountability. 

Intentional Development takes Soft Strength

Choosing to be intentional about your process, about your development as a human, as a creative, as a body, as a mind, is work. It is work worth doing, it is necessary for growth, and it is life changing. In order to do it, to set intentions, make hard choices, make new choices that may be uncomfortable at first takes a soft kind of strength. You can’t brute force your way to development. You have to be willing to slowly break down barriers and old ideas to make way for new ones, to change direction, to learn. It’s a humbling experience and it takes time. Development is not an overnight process. It is time consuming, it is time demanding. You need strength of character, strength of will, strength of self belief, strength in fortitude to be able to stick with the path. It is soft strength. To humble oneself enough to learn, to become bad at something before we get better. To admit you want or need to grow can be painful - that takes strength, it takes gentleness. To be vulnerable you need to be soft with yourself. You cannot be harsh, you cannot judge. Yet it also takes courage and steadfastness to see it through - strength. Choosing those small steps to better yourself, to learn something new, to take care of yourself, to protect yourself, to be yourself are all intentional decisions you make each moment of the day. Development doesn’t happen by accident, it happens through intention. There is no force, there is no punishment, there is no failure - there is only choice - and in choice lies the softness.  

Goals are Tools; Goals are the blueprint

I think setting intentions, deciding on how we want to develop, is far more valuable than actually setting goals. I know - controversial! This is not for everyone, just like goal setting is not for everyone. However, I think goals are often used to say what we want instead of using them to show us how we get there. Goals are tools, they are not the thing. They can help us plan how to get the thing, how to achieve our accomplishments, how to be ambitious with our desires. But I see so many people use them as the desire, to state the accomplishment. Goals are the blueprint we use to map out the path to get to those accomplishments, to ensure we know what we have to do to make our desires happen. I want to complete draft three of my first novel this year. That is not a goal. That is something I hope to accomplish. The goal would be to finish editing draft two by March and finish drafting by May - how? - by editing for 30 minutes a day and then drafting for 45 minutes each day. I’ve come to view goals as the steps, the how, the act of doing that enables my dream to come true. The dream itself isn’t the goal; and that has been so much more motivating for me. 

I implore you, as you step into this new year, to revel in the stillness of this new beginning. In the stillness we can hear our hearts, examine our bodies, listen to our minds and see what we need to be fulfilled, to be freed, to be ourselves. Take your time. Be quietly consistent. Take small steps. Find your soft strength. Be intentional. Use your goals as building blocks. You will do amazing things. And the most amazing thing any of us can do is take care of ourselves - body, mind, and soul.